Alreadyness

Dear Creator,

I've been thinking a lot about how much of life we spend trying to get somewhere. Not literally, although I am also almost always five minutes late and looking for my keys. I mean the other kind of somewhere. The version of ourselves we think we'll finally become when we've figured a few more things out.

I've spent a lot of my life moving toward some invisible version of myself who seemed to have everything sorted out. She knew what she was doing. She wasn't afraid. She didn't need anyone's approval. She certainly wasn't lying awake at 3:00 a.m. replaying a conversation from three days ago. I really thought I was going to catch her eventually.

But the older I get, the more suspicious I become of the whole arrangement. Every time I arrived somewhere I thought might finally make me feel like enough, life moved the finish line.

Wholeness does not mean there is nothing left to heal. It means healing is not what makes you whole.

What if I'm not becoming whole? What if I'm becoming from wholeness? What if the person sitting here right now, before the breakthrough, before the answer, before the next accomplishment, before someone chooses you, before you finally figure out what you're doing, is not a lesser version of the person you are becoming?

That's what I want to explore with you in this Petal. Not how to arrive at enoughness, but what happens when we begin to consider the possibility that it was never somewhere else. Maybe we don't have to reach it. Maybe we get to live from it. Let's see what blooms from there.

Creatively yours,
Ansley